In the case of a conflict or a problem, people generally tend to seek the fault not primarily within themselves but in the other party. When considered from this point of view, they indeed find proofs that will justify themselves. Based on such proofs, they evaluate incidents or issues from a single point and only from their own perspectives.
The fact is howeverin most cases it is not difficult to find proofs to justify both parties. Sometimes a party proves to be 100 percent right. But in most cases—even if it may be at a ratio of only 5 %—there is also an aspect of the matter that justifies the other party. Despite being at a ratio as low as 5 %, this rate sufficies to convince that person about his rightness. Existence of proofs about his rightness renders him unable to see the 95 % of the rightness of the other person and the proofs regarding it.
Sometimes, when looked from two different viewpoints, an incident gets two different appearances. Particular details attract the attention of a person looking from the right while the eye of someone looking from the left catches totally different ones. For instance, someone looking from a distance sees another person eating his meal. However there is an optical illusion here. Looked at from a closer angle, it is seen that the same person only takes a spoonful of their meal, they see how it smells and then put the spoon back.
Sometimes, not having any knowledge about what the other party really witnesses, he insists on his own point and may even accuse the other party of not speaking the truth.
Sometimes a person is right in the true sense of the word. Yet despite this, the other party may claim just the contrary. Sometimes it may be out of pride and arrogance or sometimes it may be for reasons such as his will to defend his lower-self or out of anger.
In all cases that have been explained above with a few examples, the ideal morality is to primarily seek the fault in oneself even though he is assured of his rightness being 100 percent. Above everything, this is a requisite of the morality of the Qur’an. Furthermore, it is a requisite of modesty, maturity, tolerance,being appeasing and courtesy. No matter how right a person may be, it is not correct to use a direct style that accuses the other party. Allah commands His servants to “tell the best of the words.” Consequently, when one encounters such a situation, what is good is not to assume a furious or offensive style that brings the other person into contempt. A believer definetly conducts himself modestly and sincerely expresses himself with words like, “I may have seen it wrong,” “I may have forgotten”, ”I may be mistaken”, “I probably misremember”, “This did not occur to my memory” and primarily seek the fault in himself.
Indeed, human beings are weak. They can easly forget, err, misremember; they can mix up events, names or times. While suffering from such weaknesses, simply claiming that one is definetly faultless would be utterly unbecoming.
This aside kindness is an important part of the morality of religion. Advocatingthe truth does not mean to hurt or upset the other party, to stir trouble or to cause disorder. If a believer wants to remind of something , make any criticism or express a truth, he must definetly assume a manner that will quiet the other parties. He must be attentive to their state of mind and avoid causing any tension. In this sense he is responsible for employing the kindest and most moderate style that reflects his mercy and affection.
Indeed, when someone who assumes the fault despite his rightness and approaches the other party with a modest and affectionate style, the person who is erronous feels embarrassed in the face of this superior morality and responds with similar kindness. Such a morality, thus, lays a proper ground for the erronous person to see his fault and accept it more easily. Consequently, when a Muslim presents an exemplary morality, he becomes instrumental in the other party’s adopting the same morality. Rather than showing the other party his injustice belligerently, by Allah’s leave, this perfect morality becomes instrumental in the accomplishment of a much better result.
Say to My slaves that they should only say the best. Satan wants to stir up trouble between them. Satan is an outright enemy to man.(Surat al-Isra’, 53)
A good action and a bad action are not the same. Repel the bad with something better and, if there is enmity between you and someone else, he will be like a bosom friend. (Surah Fussilat, 34)2011-04-01 19:27:42